Sunday, November 11, 2012

The Story of Mommy's Tooth (in Music)

Come on, admit it….the song makes you smile (and not to mention it’s the Chipmunks).  We all remember the ever so adorable All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth holiday song, right?  Now try singing it All I Want for Christmas Is My Back Tooth and a Steel Bar…..not quite the same feel is it. 

First a disclaimer…..this blog is all me. As in me, ME, me. But  in fairness I figure I share enough of the kids’ lives that I should probably tell an “oops” of my own. 

The other day I made fun of my “lucky” bamboo plant.  It just isn’t looking healthy (apparently the experts are serious when they tell you to keep it watered at all times), and I cracked a joke that I wasn’t worried because how lucky could a plant be anyway.  Then I went home, and an hour later my tooth fell out.  Let me repeat that, just in case you missed it, MY TOOTH FELL OUT.

What ensued next wasn’t pretty. I cried, and cried and cried, and then I cried some more.  Maybe you are thinking that I cried because it hurt—not the reason (although it did, and does, hurt). Maybe because I knew it was going to be expensive to fix—not the reason (although it will cost buckets and buckets of cash).  Hassle? Inconvenience?  Nope and nope.  Plain and simple I cried like a baby because I’m absolutely and completely terrified of dentists.

Back-story time. When I was 6, my dentist told me he was going to feel my teeth; instead he pulled several.  I’m not a huge fan of unexpected pain; unexpected pain and unexpected blood even worse.  This isn’t about the pain, though, as much as it was the unexpected nature of it.  Fast forward to my 16th birthday—had my wisdom teeth out (thanks mom and dad for the timing on that one). Oh and my boyfriend broke up with me the night before (hey you out there, you know who you are, don’t think I’ve forgiven you for that one yet—your timing stinks!). And then because my molars wouldn’t play nice and just come in, I had to go to the oral surgeon every Friday for several months and have the gums around those teeth cut and burnt off.  Interesting this wasn’t unexpected pain, but the smell and sounds added a little more to my phobia.  Oh and my oral surgeon used the time to try to fix me up with his son…every single week.  Of course that same son is now a very successful (and wealthy) surgeon (but don’t worry honey—I’m glad I married you instead, I always take true love over being absolutely stinky rich….honestly).

Then a few years ago I had to have a cavity filled and the dentist promised me that everything would be good and numb and it would be smooth as silk.  He, however, decided he was in a hurry and decided to start drilling before  the numbing stuff worked (good news though I was numb for the ride home).  Kinda reminds me of this song:

Add post-traumatic stress disorder to my dental phobia and you’ve got a lady who isn’t going anywhere near the dentist unless she absolutely has too. Now in case you are wondering I did try therapy for a while, but even the every so kind and patient therapist concluded that I’d be best to just be medicated when dentists were involved.

So how does that get us to my tooth falling out.  Well that darn filling apparently leaked and that led to an infection setting into the tooth which then traveled up the roots into the bone.  On Tuesday I have a 2.5 to 3.0 hour dentist appointment that is going to involve lots of different kinds of x-rays to see where all this infection has spread and how many teeth and how much bone is affected.  Then on the 27th I see…..(gulp) an oral surgeon.  At minimum the ½ a tooth has to come out and a steel bar has to be placed into the bone so that they can create a new tooth (see there is a new tooth although it won’t be done by Christmas because this is going to be a 6-8 month process). If the infection is too deep they may have to cut out some bone and some more teeth and bars may be involved. 

Let’s recap—pulling teeth, cutting bone, screwing metal bars in, 6-8 months of dental work and as an added bonus they don’t typically sedate you for this procedure.  Wanna bet they change their mind after they see my reaction to the consultation???

So in case you are wondering, my bamboo plant received room temperature bottled water yesterday and day.  If that doesn’t make it happy I’ve promised Evian water or maybe even its own pond constructed out of a little inflatable pool in a temperature controlled room.  And for good measure I am polishing my chakra stones, keeping an eye on the alignment of planets and repressing my 4-leaf clover. The rabbit’s foot I of course left on the rabbit because his luck is greatly improved that way.  And I’ll just keep singing my request to Santa for my new tooth and bar for Christmas although I doubt it’ll be as cute as when the Chipmunks did it.