Caden and Elf's Journey Begins

It has been an absolutely crazy few days but it is great to finally be writing the blog from home again.  I am surrounded by my furry feline babies who have been amazingly tolerant of the new 73 pound member of our family and seem to have forgiven me for being gone for so long.  Our border collie is on the fence; she isn’t quite sure she enjoys someone else getting some of the doggy attention in the house but she loves having someone else to play with out in the yard.  Our beagle, on the other hand, is absolutely convinced that we have ruined her life and she isn’t missing an opportunity to register her complaints.  We are trying to utilize all of our 4 Paws training with her and have all of our fingers and toes crossed that she will come around sooner rather than later.  Caden’s only observation upon arrival home is that our dogs got smaller…..interesting how his perception of small and large has changed after 11 days with the 4 Paws dogs.

So you are probably wondering about our public access test.  Honestly it went beautifully but it was without a doubt one of the most anxiety inducing activities I have gone through in a long time.  Thankfully Caden was feeling a little better so we were all able to go to the mall and go through the test together.  The test had 3 components: obedience to demonstrate control over the dog in public, distractions, and the ability to load the dog into the vehicle smoothly in the parking lot. The only stumbling block during obedience was my own literal interpretation of the directions. We needed to heel Elf, drop the leash, and then pick the leash up again while maintaining Elf’s heel.  Everything was going smoothly until I realized I had no idea how to pick the leash up while still walking without falling on my face or running into someone or something.  Turns out I could have just stopped and picked up the leash---oops. Distractions were definitely a test for Elf or at least the cooked chicken less than a foot from where he was laying was but thankfully he handled it like a champ. Rest of the day went smoothly and we headed back to the facility to complete our paperwork (contracts that rival mortgages in length and obligations) and await graduation.  Honestly graduation was more for the all of the individuals who take part in the care and training of the dogs than the families receiving them but I think everyone is okay with that. The foster families, kennel staff, 4 Paws staff, and trainers spend so much time with the dogs and become so emotionally attached that I think it is important that they have the chance to say goodbye and see the dogs with their new families. Those moments probably go a long way to helping them gear up for the next batch of dogs they need to care for and train.  Having said all of that Caden was very proud to receive his and Elf’s certificate and wants to frame it for his room.  We were absolutely thrilled to receive a photo album from Elf’s foster mom and trainer and it is such an amazing keepsake to have.

After leaving graduation we realized that we received more training to bring our service dog home than we did either of our children.  I’m not quite sure what to say about that but we are most definitely putting all of our training to use (and given the fact that the kids have argued over everything from who finished their drink first to who got to the front porch first I’m wondering if we would have been allowed to bring both kids home if we would have had to pass a public access test first). We actually had our first encounter of sorts at the very first non 4 Paws hotel that we stayed at. After checking in, we brought the kids and Elf into the lobby. Upon seeing Elf, the desk clerk immediately asked us if we would mind moving into a pet room.  We pointed out politely that Elf was a service dog to which she replied that she knew that but wondered if we would move. We said no thank you and she didn’t push the issue but I was still really disappointed. The trainers did a great job of prepping us for this very situation but I guess I still wanted to naively believe that people would recognize and respect the Americans with Disabilities Act under which service dogs are covered. In fairness I wouldn’t have known much (or anything) about ADA when I was working at the mall and I suppose I can’t expect others to either. It is a little overwhelming though to realize that I just inadvertently inherited another awareness cause simply by trying to give my kids the best life that they can have.  Between autism awareness, primary immune deficiency awareness, animal cruelty awareness, and now service dog awareness I’m wondering how I’ll have time to actually live life when I’m spending all of my time on my soap box. Maybe that’s the key though to really changing things; living life and treating people like we hope they treat our kids, sneaking in info when we can, and hoping that somehow we make a difference along the way. We are home now and I guess the next chapter of Caden and Elf’s tale really begins.

The Night Before Graduation: Elf Training Day 10

Today’s blog is one of mixed emotions, most of which I can’t identify at the moment. I’m thrilled that day 10 means that I will get to see my daughter tomorrow and hope that she is still excited enough about her birthday presents that I can see a little glimpse of what I missed when she turned 11 a few days ago.  She, on the other hand, was genuinely shocked that we’ll be back tomorrow already.

I’m nervous about our public access test that is scheduled for 11:30 tomorrow. I think we are ready but I had hoped to practice a few more times at the mall tonight but those plans were thwarted by the stomach virus that hit Caden hard around 2 today. Elf most definitely hasn’t been pleased about Caden’s illness. He has been trying to lick Caden’s mouth which is interesting since Dan and I have always said we could tell by Caden’s breath when he’s not feeling well. Elf has tried to take his ball to Caden several times and has gone back and forth a number of times between Caden and us whining almost as though he wants us to do something---in doggy world, he’s probably thinking really people, I’m telling you something is wrong so do something. The poor dog did manage to get vomited on in the car but Jeremy is always saying that we should practice as realistically as possible and with 2 kids with immune deficiencies, I can most definitely say that was realistic. 

I’m sad as I think about leaving the other 7 families. I know we won’t see the families, their children, or their dogs again after tomorrow. I imagine it will be something like summer camp. For several weeks the bonding is intense and when you first arrive home you write letters and stay in touch. Then the conversations taper off to once a month and then maybe around the holidays.  We’ve been through so much together the past 10 days and it has been wonderful having such an amazing and sensitive support system.  Don’t get me wrong; we aren’t sitting around playing cards together in the evening but at the same time I’ve had parents share supplies with me when Caden had an emergency potty run that I wasn’t prepared for, a parent run to Walgreens for me when I desperately needed Tylenol for Caden and neither of us could leave Caden or Elf, and I think we’ve all supported each other through our children and dogs’ up and down moments. 

I’m anxious about life after graduation tomorrow.  Assuming that we leave with Elf, life as we know it will change dramatically. We have another supply bag to remember to take out with us, another being to remember to feed, water, and allow potty time for, and a new source of attention when we are out and about. As we’ve found the last few days, people aren’t really use to seeing dogs in public and if they are surprised at a mall less than 5 miles from a training facility, then I can’t imagine they are going to be any less surprised in Wisconsin or Minnesota.  However I also think that we can make sure positive Elf attention is tied to Caden and instead of being that kid who is too old for his pacifier, he’ll be the really adorable blue eyed boy with the teddy bear dog.  

And so it is with those emotions and many more that I reflect back on today.  This morning was amazing. I tracked first and really felt like I could read Elf much more accurately and he seemed to be much more enthusiastic about the tracking process. Dan ran the second track and it was a deep woods track. I have to admit I was a little nervous about hiding in the woods; I had actually remembered to put off on Caden but we just had tennis shoes on and I worried about snakes, poison ivy, spiders, and well just plain not being found.  Elf handled it like a true champ. It is so cute because when he is confident that he is close his whole body starts wiggling.  Honestly I’m relieved that he is so happy to find his boy since we need to trust him to do his job.

The afternoon was spent with our final obedience training as well as instruction on going home. I’m not so worried about introducing Elf to our dogs or cats; they are used to being around our random rescues but I hope it won’t be overwhelming to Elf. We did get to pick out our collars that we’ll get tomorrow if we pass our test and we received our tracking leashes today.  Although Caden was too sick to help pick out the collar, I think he’ll love the black and gray camo collar I picked. Cute bragging moment: Caden gives Elf a hug and kiss every night and tells him night night love you.  Absolutely adorable. 

I did want to thank those of you who have been reading my blog; I can only say that it means a lot to me.  I really want to share our experience with autism as realistically as I can but some days it is hard to know if what I am writing makes sense to anyone but me.  The kind words mean so much.  I do have to break a bit of bad news though…this is kind of like a cliffhanger blog tonight.  You know our access test and potential graduation are tomorrow but regardless of outcome we will be out of internet access until Sunday evening which means you’ll have to wait a day or two but I promise I’ll write the blog tomorrow night so that it will all be fresh in my mind and will post as soon as I can on Sunday J

Day 9 of Elf Training....the countdown to (hopefully) graduation begins

At the moment Caden and Elf are chasing each other around the hotel room; every time Elf licks Caden, Caden tells him I love you too Elf.  It is absolutely adorable.  The dynamic between these two is great but I do wonder what things will be like when we return home and have the other dogs, cats, and sister to add into the mix.  It will definitely be an adjustment for all involved (particularly for my cats who are already going to be so mad at me for leaving them for almost 3 weeks—the added insult of another dog, and a large one at that, should mean that I will be begging for their attention with treats for a few days before they decide to forgive me).

The morning started out with a bang as Elf and I were out walking and using my favorite potty command. A terrier off leash came running at us.  One thing to realize is that service dogs have never been exposed to dogs who are anything less than friendly. The owner, who wasn't interested in getting up and helping out, just kept saying the dog wasn't a threat. Remembering Jeremy's advice not to leave a situation that the dogs were nervous in without first reassuring them and trying to make the experience positive, I kept talking to and treating Elf. When it was apparent the dog was aggressive I stepped between that dog and Elf.  The dog grabbed a hold of my pant leg (thank goodness I had jeans on) while the owner was still reassuring me that the dog wouldn't bite....umm guess we had a different perspective on that one.  Finally I was able to move Elf into the hotel and definitely talked him up again. We did see several dogs out this morning at the park and he didn't demonstrate any fear so I don't think the experience was too traumatic for him but it was a good reminder that we should always be carrying a water bottle when we are out just in case one of those dogs who don't bite does a really realistic demonstration of how they don't bite by biting.  

Today has been an interesting day of ups and downs.  On the upside the morning weather was beautiful for 2 outdoor searches. Elf did a great job and Caden had the opportunity to play a bit on the playground before we headed back to the facility for some one-on-one practice.  There we both worked Elf on off-lead commands as well as distractions. Elf can ignore most distractions fairly easily but anything involving food is a bit tempting.  At one point they actually put the treats on his foot but like a pro he ignored them although the look on his face was priceless…it was almost like he was thinking does this qualify as cruel and unusual punishment?

 

We did get the chance today to talk to one of the trainers about how they matched Elf to our family.  The trainers really do watch the hours and hours of videos we submit and watch the dogs to see who will match with whom. Jeremy said it best yesterday when he said he knows all of his dogs are perfect for some family, he just has to figure out which family. It seems like they identified Elf for us because of Caden’s energy level and the sheer number of different environments that we spend our time in (hospitals, schools, and cheerleading competitions many weekends that may have anywhere from dozens to hundreds of people in a very small space and always are very very loud). They felt like Elf could handle most any situation and so far I’d have to agree with them. 

After an uneventful lunch at the mall, we each worked an indoor search and rescue.  Thankfully these were much easier for us to handle than the last 2 days as we are starting to be able to read Elf better. I think the key is just going to be continued and consistent practice; I’m not as stressed about finding practice time now though as I’m realizing that every outing and outdoor or indoor playtime can be a small training activity as opposed to actually scheduling training time each and every day. I do think he is starting to realize that it is Caden that he is looking for but we’ll be able to better test this in familiar territory where Caden can hide by himself.

 At the mall we also worked on basic obedience and public distractions. One place we hadn’t tried to take Elf yet was one of the public restrooms. I took him in and the bathroom was full. He was ignoring most everything as we waited in line except that he was fascinated by one particular stall. I was starting to freak out because I couldn’t distract him from that stall and was wondering what I was going to tell the woman who walked out.  Thankfully Jessa, one of the trainers, walked out and I’ve never been so relieved to see someone that I knew—his interest made total sense and I didn’t have to try to think quickly on my feet which probably wouldn’t have happened given that I just haven’t felt good the last 2 days and exhaustion is settling in nicely. 

My mental state was seriously tested today though at the mall and I’m a bit embarrassed to say that I once again fell apart not only in front of others but in a very public place. I was working Elf while Dan and Caden hung out in the children’s play area.  A woman stopped and asked what kind of dog Elf was. I replied a lab and she said yea but what does he do. I proudly stated that he was an autism service dog and she never missed a beat. She turned to one of her kids and said those kids with autism “aren’t all there.” I replied actually they are all there but just see and understand things differently. To which she responded that it was really a waste of time and money to train dogs for “those” kids since they should “just be put away somewhere.”  I’m not sure what was worse: her attitude towards autism or the fact that she was teaching that attitude to her children.  Sadly I’m sure that this is her attitude toward anyone or anything different than what she expects and I can only imagine what will happen if anything is ever wrong with her kids or how they will respond to difference in school, on recess, at the local park, etc. I wish I could say that I stood my ground and used the moment for autism education but honestly I was just plain heart-broken and exhaustion has significantly reduced my coping mechanisms. 

Thankfully that was an isolated incident and most people just wanted to know if he was a trick dog (may need to work this one in public…for $5 a trick, he might be), if there was a dog show at the mall (yep, but it’s a small one with only 8 dogs and the show is so elite that the only dogs invited were 1 lab, 1 goldendoodle, 1 german shepherd, and 5 bloodhound/retrievers), and similar questions. The one that absolutely cracked me up though was a woman asking if he was a blind dog.  I knew what she meant but I couldn’t help myself. I replied, yep he is and when he needs to do some shopping at the mall he brings me along to help.  Thankfully she just laughed and said I didn’t quite say that right, did I. 

It is really hard to believe that tomorrow is our last day of training before our public access test on Friday and hopefully graduation.  In some ways I feel like we’ve been working with Elf for years—clipping a treat bag on my belt loop is just about as second nature now as making sure we have Caden’s bag when we head out the door. In other ways there’s nothing routine about this evidenced by the fact I made sure I had my son and cell phone as I got up from the breakfast table this morning and would have forgotten the dog if I wouldn’t have fell over his leash.  Hey what can I say, I’ve always told you this blog would be about our lives, the cute stories, the ugly, and the just plain every day of Caden’s tales.

Day 8 of Elf Training

Today has been the day that the dogs and kids alike seem to be testing their limits every time we turn around. Strangely this is a positive sign in regards to the dogs because it means that they are starting to realize that they are really with us now and not their original handlers.  On the trying side though they are testing their boundaries to see what they can get away with; this is the time we have to prove that we are boss and almost kind of sort of qualified to be handling them. While I think most of us are doing well, I did notice today one mom trying to use the mom look to get her dog to behave and I found myself adding please and maybe to my commands.  Ironically much like with my kids, will you please just come here and listen doesn’t seem to be effective with dogs. Even more ironic is that I keep using one word dog commands and hand gestures with Caden---Caden come, Caden sit, Caden potty….if he reminds me one more time to say please and that it isn’t nice to use a mean voice (see, the kid doesn’t even recognize an authoritative voice from me) one more time I might scream.  My goal for tomorrow is to save come for Elf and please come here for Caden.  Sounds simple but I have to admit I am totally and completely exhausted—physically and mentally.  Although it will totally and completely be worth it if we pass our test on Friday and get to take Elf home, the training is intense.  How could it not be though—trainers with degrees and years of experience are charged with getting us up to speed in 11 days.  No pressure---wonder what they think at the end of each day with us?

Tracking went well today—we did 2 longer outdoor tracks. Elf isn’t like the bloodhound/lab mixes who live for the track. Those dogs starting pulling at leashes when they hear another dog get the talk up (where’s your boy, where’s your boy, where’s he at, track…or something similar to that). Elf sometimes needs more encouragement at the beginning but he is absolutely thrilled when he successfully finds Caden. His whole body wiggles; we make the find a special occasion so that he associates finding Caden with party time (special treats, playing ball, etc.). 

We ate lunch back at the training facility.  One of the things that has helped us with sanity (and money) is that we eat breakfast at the hotel (it is hot and there’s a variety each morning), pack our lunches, and then fix dinner in our little kitchen area.  Our kitchen has a full fridge, stove top, dishwasher, and basic cooking utensils. We just eat our packed lunch out in the kids’ outdoor play area. We can let Elf off leash for a good run and let Caden enjoy the playground equipment as well.  He and Elf usually play ball which is good bonding and fun play for both of them.  The dogs work hard when their vests are on but they also play hard when the harnesses are off.  I wonder if they will miss their doggy buddies when we all leave at the end of the week—they’ve been training together for months and definitely recognize each other across parking lots and in the mall. 

This afternoon we spent time in the classroom working on obedience. Jeremy put us and the dogs through our paces in what I think will be a similar format to our public access test. I was pretty proud to say that he actually said that Elf and I looked good.  Now we are working on all of the obedience commands off leash and so far so good but of course we only practice this one inside the facility, in the play yard, or our hotel rooms. I just can’t imagine that losing the dog at this point in the process would be a good thing---I think I’d rather leave the state in the middle of the night without blankie and pacifier than have to call one of the trainers and tell them one of their babies was missing.  

After obedience we worked on some of the fun commands that the kids can show off with at school and in public as well as more of the behavior disruption commands.  Again Elf was the model service dog and I took a ton more notes in hopes of remembering all of the commands and hand signals.  I have visions of making flashcards Thursday night to study from and maybe to keep in my purse for the next 10 years for when my mind goes blank.  We also talked a lot about ADA and service dog accessibility.  This is something that I’m nervous about; confrontation isn’t my strong suit and I’m afraid my nerves will show weakness to those who might confront us and most definitely affect Elf’s confidence in those situations. Jeremy kept reminding us that in some ways the dogs are living breathing durable medical supplies and you’d never ask permission to take your wheel chair into a public area and you don’t need to for the dogs as well. I definitely think that public awareness is needed in regards to service dogs so I think I am going to try to address that a bit on our autism awareness page on facebook (Caden’s Autism Heroes).  Definitely something I also want to incorporate into my professional and organizational communication classes as well.  Maybe this is another facet of the awareness we seem to have taken on when we heard Caden’s autism diagnosis. At the end of the day teaching compassion and diversity awareness seems as important for our students as the core concepts and theories that we cover in class. I’ve definitely got a lot to think about as I design classes for the fall. 

Tonight’s homework involved going to a public place that we hadn’t been into yet so we choose a bookstore.  I have to say the public outings after class are a huge challenge. We are exhausted, Elf wants to go to the hotel to get dinner, and Caden just wants to be done. Thankfully the bookstore had a few Spongebob books so that amused Caden slightly.  All of the kids really seem to want to go home.  Sometimes that is one of the harder mental parts—we all know that we are doing this for our kids but at the same time have to put them through a process that is difficult, challenging, and uncomfortable for them. We understand the payoff will be worth it but for kiddos who are living in the moment, they can’t necessarily see or understand how life will be different and hopefully better when we go home with service dogs. On our end we are trying to maintain as much of Caden’s schedule and routine as we possibly can and I have to admit that I’m proud of him. He has been able to pull it together much more often than I expected. Oddly I think his own fascination with school is helping him understand that Elf needs a few more days to finish school.  And mommy, well I just need some sleep.