Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Back to Chaos as Normal


Today has just been one of those days.  As much as I was prepared for Caden to have difficulty with the time spent at the hotel (which for the most part he handled without too many meltdowns), I wasn’t prepared for being home to be so difficult for him. Sometimes it is almost as though he holds all of the meltdowns inside until he knows that he is in a safe environment.  At the moment he sobs uncontrollably over anything and everything, answers I don’t know to any and every question, and is attempting to pack as many of the new stims that he learned into his day as possible. While his sobs are heart-wrenching and I appreciate his use of I don’t know as a noncommittal way out of questions, it is the stims that are baffling me. We’ve never needed to address his stimming. While we are assuming a let’s wait and see how this unfolds in the next few weeks attitude for the time being, I have absolutely no plan in mind if we find ourselves needing to do something.   

We decided to head over to the park for a couple of practice tracks with Elf and some play time for Caden and Ryley.  Our first track was going well until we heard Caden’s high pitch sob that indicates something is seriously wrong. Thankfully Elf was already headed in the kids’ direction so Dan was able to throw the hot dog party for Elf while I tried to calm Caden down after a very nasty fall on rocks that bruised his back and bottom.  Over to the playground for some fun, I met a woman who asked several questions about service dogs while her kids petted Elf (who as usual absolutely adored the attention as if he doesn’t get any attention at home). I was relatively pleased by the woman’s questions until she asked if Elf was Caden’s seizure dog. I replied no, actually Caden has autism to which she replied oh I’m so sorry and then walked away.  I’ve never had the apologetic response before and honestly I had no idea how to respond. Anything that renders me speechless is definitely worthy of reflection and I have a feeling I will be rethinking this one for days to come.

Track 2 ended very similarly to track 1. The kids and I were walking back through the parking lot to hide when Caden fell and busted his knee. Elf found us rather quickly but I have a feeling it was more by sound (yep the high pitch sobbing sound again) than scent and he was probably thinking that getting the hot dog party just gets easier and easier with this family.  By the way, the hot dog party is absolutely killing me…strangely vegetarian hot dogs don’t seem to equal a party for Elf so at the moment I am trying to be okay with kosher hot dogs.
 
Back home bonding time went just about as well as tracking did. Take 1 had Caden and Elf bonking heads to which Caden swears Elf hit him. Take 2 had Caden and Elf running up stairs together to share their excitement over playing Frisbee (thankfully Elf loves to play Frisbee and is so great about giving the Frisbee back to Caden each time) and them tripping over each other; Caden swears Elf pushed him.  Interestingly Elf is starting to recognize the high pitch sob as being one that needs attention—then again we had plenty of opportunities to “mark behavior” today.  We are having Elf give kisses when Caden starts sobbing as that does seem to serve as a distraction that doesn’t increase Caden’s anxiety or frustration while also not diminishing pain or other feelings that he may have at that moment. 

It is amazing how quickly life resumed after returning home, somehow a re-entry adjustment period would have been nice. But then again I guess if we had the luxury of down time or adjustment time or sleep then we wouldn’t be dealing with autism would we?

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Caden and Elf's Journey Begins


It has been an absolutely crazy few days but it is great to finally be writing the blog from home again.  I am surrounded by my furry feline babies who have been amazingly tolerant of the new 73 pound member of our family and seem to have forgiven me for being gone for so long.  Our border collie is on the fence; she isn’t quite sure she enjoys someone else getting some of the doggy attention in the house but she loves having someone else to play with out in the yard.  Our beagle, on the other hand, is absolutely convinced that we have ruined her life and she isn’t missing an opportunity to register her complaints.  We are trying to utilize all of our 4 Paws training with her and have all of our fingers and toes crossed that she will come around sooner rather than later.  Caden’s only observation upon arrival home is that our dogs got smaller…..interesting how his perception of small and large has changed after 11 days with the 4 Paws dogs.

So you are probably wondering about our public access test.  Honestly it went beautifully but it was without a doubt one of the most anxiety inducing activities I have gone through in a long time.  Thankfully Caden was feeling a little better so we were all able to go to the mall and go through the test together.  The test had 3 components: obedience to demonstrate control over the dog in public, distractions, and the ability to load the dog into the vehicle smoothly in the parking lot. The only stumbling block during obedience was my own literal interpretation of the directions. We needed to heel Elf, drop the leash, and then pick the leash up again while maintaining Elf’s heel.  Everything was going smoothly until I realized I had no idea how to pick the leash up while still walking without falling on my face or running into someone or something.  Turns out I could have just stopped and picked up the leash---oops. Distractions were definitely a test for Elf or at least the cooked chicken less than a foot from where he was laying was but thankfully he handled it like a champ. Rest of the day went smoothly and we headed back to the facility to complete our paperwork (contracts that rival mortgages in length and obligations) and await graduation.  Honestly graduation was more for the all of the individuals who take part in the care and training of the dogs than the families receiving them but I think everyone is okay with that. The foster families, kennel staff, 4 Paws staff, and trainers spend so much time with the dogs and become so emotionally attached that I think it is important that they have the chance to say goodbye and see the dogs with their new families. Those moments probably go a long way to helping them gear up for the next batch of dogs they need to care for and train.  Having said all of that Caden was very proud to receive his and Elf’s certificate and wants to frame it for his room.  We were absolutely thrilled to receive a photo album from Elf’s foster mom and trainer and it is such an amazing keepsake to have.

After leaving graduation we realized that we received more training to bring our service dog home than we did either of our children.  I’m not quite sure what to say about that but we are most definitely putting all of our training to use (and given the fact that the kids have argued over everything from who finished their drink first to who got to the front porch first I’m wondering if we would have been allowed to bring both kids home if we would have had to pass a public access test first). We actually had our first encounter of sorts at the very first non 4 Paws hotel that we stayed at. After checking in, we brought the kids and Elf into the lobby. Upon seeing Elf, the desk clerk immediately asked us if we would mind moving into a pet room.  We pointed out politely that Elf was a service dog to which she replied that she knew that but wondered if we would move. We said no thank you and she didn’t push the issue but I was still really disappointed. The trainers did a great job of prepping us for this very situation but I guess I still wanted to naively believe that people would recognize and respect the Americans with Disabilities Act under which service dogs are covered. In fairness I wouldn’t have known much (or anything) about ADA when I was working at the mall and I suppose I can’t expect others to either. It is a little overwhelming though to realize that I just inadvertently inherited another awareness cause simply by trying to give my kids the best life that they can have.  Between autism awareness, primary immune deficiency awareness, animal cruelty awareness, and now service dog awareness I’m wondering how I’ll have time to actually live life when I’m spending all of my time on my soap box. Maybe that’s the key though to really changing things; living life and treating people like we hope they treat our kids, sneaking in info when we can, and hoping that somehow we make a difference along the way. We are home now and I guess the next chapter of Caden and Elf’s tale really begins.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

The Night Before Graduation: Elf Training Day 10


Today’s blog is one of mixed emotions, most of which I can’t identify at the moment. I’m thrilled that day 10 means that I will get to see my daughter tomorrow and hope that she is still excited enough about her birthday presents that I can see a little glimpse of what I missed when she turned 11 a few days ago.  She, on the other hand, was genuinely shocked that we’ll be back tomorrow already.

I’m nervous about our public access test that is scheduled for 11:30 tomorrow. I think we are ready but I had hoped to practice a few more times at the mall tonight but those plans were thwarted by the stomach virus that hit Caden hard around 2 today. Elf most definitely hasn’t been pleased about Caden’s illness. He has been trying to lick Caden’s mouth which is interesting since Dan and I have always said we could tell by Caden’s breath when he’s not feeling well. Elf has tried to take his ball to Caden several times and has gone back and forth a number of times between Caden and us whining almost as though he wants us to do something---in doggy world, he’s probably thinking really people, I’m telling you something is wrong so do something. The poor dog did manage to get vomited on in the car but Jeremy is always saying that we should practice as realistically as possible and with 2 kids with immune deficiencies, I can most definitely say that was realistic. 

I’m sad as I think about leaving the other 7 families. I know we won’t see the families, their children, or their dogs again after tomorrow. I imagine it will be something like summer camp. For several weeks the bonding is intense and when you first arrive home you write letters and stay in touch. Then the conversations taper off to once a month and then maybe around the holidays.  We’ve been through so much together the past 10 days and it has been wonderful having such an amazing and sensitive support system.  Don’t get me wrong; we aren’t sitting around playing cards together in the evening but at the same time I’ve had parents share supplies with me when Caden had an emergency potty run that I wasn’t prepared for, a parent run to Walgreens for me when I desperately needed Tylenol for Caden and neither of us could leave Caden or Elf, and I think we’ve all supported each other through our children and dogs’ up and down moments. 

I’m anxious about life after graduation tomorrow.  Assuming that we leave with Elf, life as we know it will change dramatically. We have another supply bag to remember to take out with us, another being to remember to feed, water, and allow potty time for, and a new source of attention when we are out and about. As we’ve found the last few days, people aren’t really use to seeing dogs in public and if they are surprised at a mall less than 5 miles from a training facility, then I can’t imagine they are going to be any less surprised in Wisconsin or Minnesota.  However I also think that we can make sure positive Elf attention is tied to Caden and instead of being that kid who is too old for his pacifier, he’ll be the really adorable blue eyed boy with the teddy bear dog.  

And so it is with those emotions and many more that I reflect back on today.  This morning was amazing. I tracked first and really felt like I could read Elf much more accurately and he seemed to be much more enthusiastic about the tracking process. Dan ran the second track and it was a deep woods track. I have to admit I was a little nervous about hiding in the woods; I had actually remembered to put off on Caden but we just had tennis shoes on and I worried about snakes, poison ivy, spiders, and well just plain not being found.  Elf handled it like a true champ. It is so cute because when he is confident that he is close his whole body starts wiggling.  Honestly I’m relieved that he is so happy to find his boy since we need to trust him to do his job.

The afternoon was spent with our final obedience training as well as instruction on going home. I’m not so worried about introducing Elf to our dogs or cats; they are used to being around our random rescues but I hope it won’t be overwhelming to Elf. We did get to pick out our collars that we’ll get tomorrow if we pass our test and we received our tracking leashes today.  Although Caden was too sick to help pick out the collar, I think he’ll love the black and gray camo collar I picked. Cute bragging moment: Caden gives Elf a hug and kiss every night and tells him night night love you.  Absolutely adorable

I did want to thank those of you who have been reading my blog; I can only say that it means a lot to me.  I really want to share our experience with autism as realistically as I can but some days it is hard to know if what I am writing makes sense to anyone but me.  The kind words mean so much.  I do have to break a bit of bad news though…this is kind of like a cliffhanger blog tonight.  You know our access test and potential graduation are tomorrow but regardless of outcome we will be out of internet access until Sunday evening which means you’ll have to wait a day or two but I promise I’ll write the blog tomorrow night so that it will all be fresh in my mind and will post as soon as I can on Sunday J

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Day 9 of Elf Training....the countdown to (hopefully) graduation begins


At the moment Caden and Elf are chasing each other around the hotel room; every time Elf licks Caden, Caden tells him I love you too Elf.  It is absolutely adorable.  The dynamic between these two is great but I do wonder what things will be like when we return home and have the other dogs, cats, and sister to add into the mix.  It will definitely be an adjustment for all involved (particularly for my cats who are already going to be so mad at me for leaving them for almost 3 weeks—the added insult of another dog, and a large one at that, should mean that I will be begging for their attention with treats for a few days before they decide to forgive me).

The morning started out with a bang as Elf and I were out walking and using my favorite potty command. A terrier off leash came running at us.  One thing to realize is that service dogs have never been exposed to dogs who are anything less than friendly. The owner, who wasn't interested in getting up and helping out, just kept saying the dog wasn't a threat. Remembering Jeremy's advice not to leave a situation that the dogs were nervous in without first reassuring them and trying to make the experience positive, I kept talking to and treating Elf. When it was apparent the dog was aggressive I stepped between that dog and Elf.  The dog grabbed a hold of my pant leg (thank goodness I had jeans on) while the owner was still reassuring me that the dog wouldn't bite....umm guess we had a different perspective on that one.  Finally I was able to move Elf into the hotel and definitely talked him up again. We did see several dogs out this morning at the park and he didn't demonstrate any fear so I don't think the experience was too traumatic for him but it was a good reminder that we should always be carrying a water bottle when we are out just in case one of those dogs who don't bite does a really realistic demonstration of how they don't bite by biting.  

Today has been an interesting day of ups and downs.  On the upside the morning weather was beautiful for 2 outdoor searches. Elf did a great job and Caden had the opportunity to play a bit on the playground before we headed back to the facility for some one-on-one practice.  There we both worked Elf on off-lead commands as well as distractions. Elf can ignore most distractions fairly easily but anything involving food is a bit tempting.  At one point they actually put the treats on his foot but like a pro he ignored them although the look on his face was priceless…it was almost like he was thinking does this qualify as cruel and unusual punishment?
 
We did get the chance today to talk to one of the trainers about how they matched Elf to our family.  The trainers really do watch the hours and hours of videos we submit and watch the dogs to see who will match with whom. Jeremy said it best yesterday when he said he knows all of his dogs are perfect for some family, he just has to figure out which family. It seems like they identified Elf for us because of Caden’s energy level and the sheer number of different environments that we spend our time in (hospitals, schools, and cheerleading competitions many weekends that may have anywhere from dozens to hundreds of people in a very small space and always are very very loud). They felt like Elf could handle most any situation and so far I’d have to agree with them. 

After an uneventful lunch at the mall, we each worked an indoor search and rescue.  Thankfully these were much easier for us to handle than the last 2 days as we are starting to be able to read Elf better. I think the key is just going to be continued and consistent practice; I’m not as stressed about finding practice time now though as I’m realizing that every outing and outdoor or indoor playtime can be a small training activity as opposed to actually scheduling training time each and every day. I do think he is starting to realize that it is Caden that he is looking for but we’ll be able to better test this in familiar territory where Caden can hide by himself.

 At the mall we also worked on basic obedience and public distractions. One place we hadn’t tried to take Elf yet was one of the public restrooms. I took him in and the bathroom was full. He was ignoring most everything as we waited in line except that he was fascinated by one particular stall. I was starting to freak out because I couldn’t distract him from that stall and was wondering what I was going to tell the woman who walked out.  Thankfully Jessa, one of the trainers, walked out and I’ve never been so relieved to see someone that I knew—his interest made total sense and I didn’t have to try to think quickly on my feet which probably wouldn’t have happened given that I just haven’t felt good the last 2 days and exhaustion is settling in nicely. 
My mental state was seriously tested today though at the mall and I’m a bit embarrassed to say that I once again fell apart not only in front of others but in a very public place. I was working Elf while Dan and Caden hung out in the children’s play area.  A woman stopped and asked what kind of dog Elf was. I replied a lab and she said yea but what does he do. I proudly stated that he was an autism service dog and she never missed a beat. She turned to one of her kids and said those kids with autism “aren’t all there.” I replied actually they are all there but just see and understand things differently. To which she responded that it was really a waste of time and money to train dogs for “those” kids since they should “just be put away somewhere.”  I’m not sure what was worse: her attitude towards autism or the fact that she was teaching that attitude to her children.  Sadly I’m sure that this is her attitude toward anyone or anything different than what she expects and I can only imagine what will happen if anything is ever wrong with her kids or how they will respond to difference in school, on recess, at the local park, etc. I wish I could say that I stood my ground and used the moment for autism education but honestly I was just plain heart-broken and exhaustion has significantly reduced my coping mechanisms. 

Thankfully that was an isolated incident and most people just wanted to know if he was a trick dog (may need to work this one in public…for $5 a trick, he might be), if there was a dog show at the mall (yep, but it’s a small one with only 8 dogs and the show is so elite that the only dogs invited were 1 lab, 1 goldendoodle, 1 german shepherd, and 5 bloodhound/retrievers), and similar questions. The one that absolutely cracked me up though was a woman asking if he was a blind dog.  I knew what she meant but I couldn’t help myself. I replied, yep he is and when he needs to do some shopping at the mall he brings me along to help.  Thankfully she just laughed and said I didn’t quite say that right, did I. 

It is really hard to believe that tomorrow is our last day of training before our public access test on Friday and hopefully graduation.  In some ways I feel like we’ve been working with Elf for years—clipping a treat bag on my belt loop is just about as second nature now as making sure we have Caden’s bag when we head out the door. In other ways there’s nothing routine about this evidenced by the fact I made sure I had my son and cell phone as I got up from the breakfast table this morning and would have forgotten the dog if I wouldn’t have fell over his leash.  Hey what can I say, I’ve always told you this blog would be about our lives, the cute stories, the ugly, and the just plain every day of Caden’s tales.